The Locus of Control

For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it John 9:24

Pop quiz question: What is the difference between choosing to serve and choosing to be a servant?

I have been thinking all week on this question and I’ve finally decided that when you choose to serve, you still have control. You can choose when you are going to serve, under what circumstance, to whom, and for how long. You can work it into your schedule…Something along the lines of, On Saturday from 10 to 12 I am going to heroically serve my community. After I serve I am going to reward myself for being such a good worker by taking myself out to B-Line for an afternoon treat. Seriously. This is how I go about serving.

When you choose to be a servant, however, you lose the locus of control. As a servant you have to get up in the middle of the night if your employer needs a cherry flavoured cough suppressant. You have to leave whatever it is you are doing at the drop of a hat, even if it’s really important to you, to tend to someone else’s whim, hunger, desire to talk, streak of vindictiveness, anything. A servant has no rights.

The immediate thought that comes to mind when I consider life as a servant is, But then everyone is going to walk all over me. How can I teach people appropriate boundaries and model a healthy approach to interpersonal relationships if I don’t instruct others on ways of treating other people? Really, in the long run, I will be doing a disservice to others if I act like a servant.

But let’s get real. At this point in my life there is no line forming of people wanting to tell me I am too self-sacrificial and too overly generous with my time and energy. This is not my problem in life. More likely my real problem is my white-knuckled hold on getting my way. More likely my real problem is that I one hundred percent look out for myself and spend an embarrassing amount of time obsessing about how I can get more stuff for my house rather than thinking of ways that I can look out for the best interest of others.

So why does Jesus call us to lose our life? I think he calls us to lose our life so that we can be happy. Which sounds a little off (Christians don’t like to talk about happiness…joy is the preferred go-to word), but really, when you think about it, life is way happier when you don’t have to get your way. You don’t have to worry about ulterior motives or being manipulated if you’ve already decided to do whatever the person wants. You don’t have to worry about someone stealing from you if you’ve already chosen to give them everything. You don’t have to fuss over your afternoon being wasted if you’ve already decided that the day is theirs. Nothing can be lost if you’ve already chosen to let go.