Close to the Cheek

I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love.  To them I was like one who lifts a little child to the cheek, and I bent down to feed them...I am God and not a human; I am the Holy One and I am among you.  I will not come against you in anger.  Hosea 11:4, 9

In Hosea, the Israelites were just being AWFUL....the word the writer used to describe the way in which the Israelites behaved means “purposefully rebellious.”  They purposefully were going out of their way to do exactly opposite what God wanted.  Embarrassingly, I find myself purposefully doing what I ought not all the time.  Purposefully picking a fight with my husband because somehow I think proving myself right would feel satisfying.  Purposefully sharing a juicy morsel of gossip because I want someone else to know I am in the know.  Purposefully.  And yet God treats them- me- with “human kindness.”

Human kindness.  What does human kindness mean?  It seems to me that human kindness means treating people in a way that appeals to their human selves...meeting their physical needs AND their physical desires, meeting their emotional needs AND their emotional desires.  I know we talk a lot about how God does what’s best for us...what we really mean when we say that is that He does stuff that quote on quote “builds character” but actually makes us miserable.  I don’t think that’s Him.  He does allow us to experience consequences of purposeful rebellion, but what He gives us is not crappy gifts, but good gifts.  A husband that’s kind AND good looking.  Dinner that fills our belly AND tastes good.  A friend that listens well AND is fun to be around.  A relationship with Himself that is intellectual AND emotional.

I like that God makes a point to distinguish himself from humans.  Even though He’s mad and sad at the Israelites, He refuses to come against them in anger.  Wow.  That’s a rather spectacular promise.  God will not come at us in anger.  Period.  It makes all the “sinners in the hand of an angry God” talk seem a bit off mark.  Because our God is not human and isn’t bound to our human vindictiveness.  Our God holds us close to His cheek- even when we are awful.  I know all about that “close to the cheek” business.  The best part of every day is holding Everette close to my cheek- smelling her milky baby breath, petting her downey barely-there blond hair, tickling her chubby little toes. I have explosive affection for this kid- Mama Bear “I just want to sit around and make her smile” affection.  And that’s how God feels about us except for on a much grander scale.  

A Revelation

After this I looked, and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and before the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands…These are they who have come out of the great tribulation; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. Revelations 7:9

I was trucking along at an easy pace through chapter 7 in Revelation:  John sees people holding palms…worshipping…yadda yadda…Isn’t nice all these people are worshipping God.   But then all of a sudden it dawned on me- John had seen this scene before- maybe fifty or so years earlier when Jesus was walking into Jerusalem.  He had seen this huge crowd waving palms and worshipping Jesus- and three days later he had seen the same huge crowd shouting, “Crucify him.”  All of a sudden I began to wonder if for John, seeing crowds wave palms wouldn’t be a warm fuzzy moment, but rather a PTSD, “I hate those backstabbing, fickle, cruel nincompoops and want them to suffer” sort of moment. 

It’s interesting to me that the elder pulls John aside and asks him if he knows who they are.  John answers with an all-telling, YOU know.  You know that they are my enemies.  You know that they are dirty.  You know that they don’t deserve to be here in the throne room.  Yeah, that elder knows.  That elder knows because he immediately reminds John that these people have been cleansed- that Jesus has washed their robes and made them clean.

As I’ve mulled over the text, I’ve come to decide that perhaps the Left Behind series isn’t necessarily the last word on Revelations.  Instead, Revelation seems to be the story of humankind- the cycle of chaos and sin, judgment, and then healing and restoration.  Humans sin, God issues judgment (tribulation) for a time, and then all are brought into a place of repentance and restoration. The word tribulation comes from trībulum- a threshing board.  We all experience the threshing board as God separates the chaff from the wheat in our lives, in our thoughts, in our values, in our loves.   If it looks like things are bad- if we feel like our heads are being whipped against the threshing board- we can rest assured that it is not yet the end of the story. 

It’s funny – not funny humorous but funny because it’s the same place I get stuck- to see John not comprehending the fullness of God’s restoration.  I am full of snitty commentary about those around me- I have my opinions of who should or should not receive mercy.  But that’s not how God works.  Revelation 7 is about the Greatest Re-Do in History.  Those who once betrayed Jesus are welcomed back into His presence.  The elder reminds John- and me- how it works- there’s healing for everyone.  Which is a lucky thing because it turns out I would fall into the category of “person who had betrayed Jesus.”  Which a lucky thing because it means I too am privy to the cleansing, the healing, and the restoration.  

The Night Circus

So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives, he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.  Luke 11: 9-10

Somehow the onset of cool weather stirs up pensive, what-have-the-years-wrought reflections.  I’ve been thinking about how Dustin and I have been in Tucson for four years now.  Four years ago I had no eyesight, neither of us had jobs, and both of felt rather unsettled about how it might look for us to live in Tucson, to find friends, to build a community.

So many things are different, four years later.  I have two well-functioning eyeballs, we own a house, I started and finished graduate school, we both have had an assortment of fulfilling and stretching jobs- but really, these last four years have been defined by our community, our small group.

I’ve started and restarted this paragraph a multitude of times- what is it about the group?  Is it that each person is a magical circus performer- that each person astonishes and astounds with his or her insights and warmth and abilities to add beauty to the world?  Yup, that is certainly the case.  But more, I think it may be that we are the circus at night.  The dazzle and sequins are still there…but after hours the dim lights are turned to high and you can see the make-up is smudged and that I’ve tromped on the back of my gown enough times to have torn it and everyone has blisters.  It’s the fact that when we step into the less-flattering light, the night circus steps in closer.  Perched on musty couches, we pop the champagne and lay it all out- the unfolding of our days, the points of failure and the points of redemption, the burning questions of Who is God and How Can We Relate to Him.

As I reflect on these last four years, I am overwhelmed by the faithfulness of God.  In truth many things have gone badly and I’ve had maybe my share of sorrow- I’ve stormed and glowered and shaken my fist with the best of them.  But with all clarity I can see that God has been responsive to my cry and has opened the door to my knockings.   The deepest and most vulnerable needs have been met and cared for- and most often my community was the means through with which God spoke to me and comforted me and filled my cup.

The Joy of Ethical Ambiguity

Everything is permissible- but not everything is beneficial.  Everything is permissible- but not everything is constructive.  Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others…So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the Glory of God.   

 1 Corinthians 10:23-24, 31

I’ve had the pleasure of mentoring Ms. Fiona Brown for the last three years.  Over mochas and Time Market raspberry muffins we dive in to existential talks of The Future, the potentiality of prospective suitors (aka: how fine such and such boy is), and Who Is God and How Do We Relate to Him.  The topic of yesterday’s discussion, however, particularly made me think.  We discussed ethical ambiguity- how the Bible rarely gives hard fast rules, but rather teaches in parables and often communicates seemingly contradictory ideas.  Fiona and I brainstormed just a few of these issues that are imbued with tension:

1. Faith without works is dead AND it is by grace we have been saved, not by works
2. God created us to be fleshy people who want to have sex and who enjoy sex AND we are also to have control over our bodies and not lust
3. We are to be in community and fellowship with one another AND in quietness is our strength
4. We are called to submit to one another AND we are called to hold each other accountable
5. Jesus turned water into wine at the end of the party for all the wedding guests AND we are not to be drunk
6. We should be good workers and at peace with everyone as far as it depends on us AND our priority is to serve God, not people

Rob Bell addresses this issue in his book Sex God.  He reflects on how difficult it is to live in a place of tension, of having to wrestle through each decision and figure out what is best for THAT particular time and place.  As humans, we much prefer to draw lines and say, It’s always this or It’s always that.  Tension is uncomfortable.  Drawing lines is easier.  Dietrich Bonheoffer says something similar when it comes to the discipline of silence.  It’s much easier to determine I am just going to be silent rather than having to intentionally sift through and decide when to speak and when to shut up.  One is forced to constantly engage and constantly think and be in constant communication with God when issues are ambiguous.

 I suppose He did it on purpose.

I suppose He did it on purpose so that we always remember that ushering in the kingdom is a conversation, is talking and living and breathing and thinking.  That if we think we know The Rules, we should probably look again.

An Epiphany

Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone.  To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good.

1 Corinthians 12: 4-7

I’ve had an epiphany this week.  I read an article in Christianity Today that addresses the issue of Spiritual Leadership.  I think many of us grew up with the belief that men should be the spiritual leaders in a dating/marriage relationship.  But when you probe and poke this rather nebulous phrase spiritual leader, it often boils down that we define spiritual leadership as initiating devotionals , bible studies, and prayer.  Bam.  The big enchilada- initiating devotionals.  As I read this article I had a flush of horror, because it hit me square in the chest, pointing out this weird unspoken definition of leadership that I myself subscribed to and which was totally arbitrary.  It was actually a perennial issue between Dustin and me…I’ve spent many nights of my marriage obsessing over the fact that I initiated our end-of-the-day prayer time together and what does that mean about our relationship and what does that mean about Dustin’s relationship with God and oh no, oh no, things must be falling apart!

Which is total baloney. 

The problem with this definition (and litmus test) of spiritual leadership is that it boxes my husband in.  It also boxes God in.  By focusing so intently on this one quality, I completely devalued the ten thousand other spiritual gifts and fruit of the spirit spouting out of Dustin’s life…his gifts of compassion and behind-the-scene service and gentleness and quickness to forgive.  Gifts that God values and has deemed as Really Important Characteristics.  But yet, because Dustin didn’t initiate doing a devotional together, I faced existential crises. 

I did a methodical, comprehensive survey of the female species (aka: I asked all the women in my family during dinner) about this topic.  Each of them confessed that they too had this same definition of spiritual leadership and that it had, in truth, been something of an issue in THEIR relationships.  I began to suspect that actually, as a culture, we have defined this “initiating” quality as masculine and almost all other fruits of the spirit as “feminine.”  Somehow we have grown into a Christian culture NOT on the lookout for manly spiritual leaders boldly paving the way to more compassionate, gentle way of life. 

While talking over the issue with Dustin, he mentioned that for a good many years he had been consumed with the question “Am I man enough” -mostly due to the John Elderich-ing of high school boys everywhere (his words).  John Elderich is an excellent example of this overwhelming Christian cultural understanding of what it means to be a godly man…Being the hero, beating the bad guys, doing daring feats and rescuing the damsel in distress (Elderich, 2001).  Aggressive, initiating, wild.  Which is pretty darn specific, and thankfully, not particularly biblical. 

I would propose that the Bible teaches that spiritual leadership means being filled with the Holy Spirit and having one’s life abundantly overflow with fruits of the Spirit so that every aspect of who one is reflects the glory of God.  Which, for that matter, is the calling God has for ALL our lives.  The big question, as my mom would always ask, Are YOU being a leader for good?

I felt quite challenged this week to reassess my understanding of leadership…challenged to carefully and critically bring these little biases into the light.  Because just now I am realizing how it has hindered my relationship with my husband…but probably has extended outward into how I relate to men.  And how I relate to women.  And how I internally weigh spiritual gifts as better or worse or more useful or less useful, which really, hinders how I relate to God.  

The Romans Road, Four Spiritual Laws, and Jesus

But Zacchaeus stood and said to the Lord, “Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor; and if I have defrauded any one of anything, I restore it fourfold.” And Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house.” Luke 19:1-10

The story of Zacchaeus is rather spectacular: offering kindness to a tax collector- ie, an oppressor of the people, disregarding local protocol of ceremonial cleanliness so that one lonely man feels particularly loved, a 360 degree change of lifestyle in response to Jesus’ extension of mercy. But with this last reading, one detail snagged my attention.

Zacchaeus is up in a tree. No respectable man in the Middle East would ever climb a tree…and if he did, he would certainly take GREAT effort to ensure that no one would see him. Clearly he was seen. Plan failed. I thought it was interesting that Jesus knew Zacchaeus’ name. But then I started imagining the town walking along the road…One person spots a shoe hanging down and starts laughing. He nudges the guy next to him and points out (probably using colourful language) that the number-one-town-enemy looks like a dinglebomb up in a tree. Soon everyone is jeering at Zacchaeus, calling out taunts, maybe hinting that he’s in a tree, easy enough to accidentally string him up. Jesus is an astute guy- it doesn’t take long to catch on to the murmuring and the scowls and the mean-spirited laughter.

So Jesus says, Hey, I’m going to your house for dinner. That’s it. He says something nice to Zacchaeus. He doesn’t explain the path to salvation using the Romans Road. He doesn’t delineate on the finer points of the Four Spiritual Laws. Jesus just says something kind and goes out of his way to make Zacchaeus feel special. Which is enough to move Zacchaeus to change, no- not even that, to move Zacchaeus to WANT to change. In those two minutes Zacchaeus doesn’t actually give every single person four times what he owes them- he just makes a statement about needing to live his life differently. And that WANT to change is what Jesus affirms. What Jesus affirms as salvation.

Which reminds me of that song lyric: It’s His kindness that leads to repentance. Which reminds me that it’s my kindness that acts as an extension of God’s kindness, which then leads to repentance. It’s me pointing out something good in a person, or being impulsively NICE (which, you know, is sometimes quite the stretch) that leads people to want to change their lives. It’s not me pointing out major flaws in their worldview schema that leads to change (which, you know, is sometimes exactly what I do).

This story challenges my idea of evangelism or the missional church- really forces me to look hard at the way I live my life. Do I talk a lot of theoretical, Foundational Truths of the Faith or do I act a lot by showing kindness- from the dinglebombs who would probably do well with a swift kick to the butt, to those People Who See Things Exactly The Way I Do. It’s embarrassing how often I sniff something about being busy or more open-minded and enlightened…and then simply walk away from individuals who are hurting or that need a friend. Those Pharisee Heather roots grow ever so deeply and ever so wrongly.

Ideas of Normalcy- Second Glances at Ephesians

I urge you to walk in manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with each other in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.  

Ephesians 4: 1

Paul is quite methodical in his letter to Ephesus.  He starts out chapter one by reminding the church that EVERY follower of Christ is blessed with EVERY spiritual blessing and receives the FULL inheritance of what it means to be a son or daughter of Christ- regardless of gender, race, or age.  Next, in chapter two, Paul reminds the church that we have been shown a huge amount of grace- so therefore we need to show grace to each other because we are all one in Christ.  And then in the following chapters he specifically addresses how to live out this unity and grace within the broken cultural system of the day.  And actually- this letter isn’t just to any old clumping of people- it’s written to a church.  This letter is about how to address the broken cultural system within the church.

The church in Ephesus had a lot of broken systems- but foremost in Paul’s mind was how people interact with one another.   In those days, children, women, and slaves would fall into the category of THINGS- things to be ruled and governed over by men.  Men made the decisions because they were believed to be more fit leaders and armed with more appropriate spiritual gifting to make decisions and rule.  This concept flew in direct contrast to the very first opening chapter in Ephesians- which is that actually ALL followers of Christ have EVERY spiritual blessing- from leadership, to teaching, to giving, to showing mercy.  In writing the letter to the Ephesians, Paul sought to both gently nudge the church leaders towards the relational shift necessary for the blossoming of the church culture while simultaneously reminding those who were marginalized by the current system to not grow bitter but to continue to honor, respect, and serve because they are indeed serving God, not men.  

It’s funny how God is willing to speak in a very direct way if I bother making the time to listen.  This last little while I’ve been percolating over our own church culture.  Some things are great…but some things are broken.  The problem with percolating is that sometimes I end up with an extra-strong coffee that no one can possibly stomach.  I remember my sophomore Western Civilization teacher once saying to me, “Heather, you have a ferocious justice-o-meter.”  The problem being that I easily allow my desire to make things right turn into bitterness- which is exactly what Paul admonishes kids/women/slaves about- their need to continue to honor/respect/serve even in the face of hardship and mistreatment.  It’s also why the final chapter on dressing oneself with the armor of God is so fitting.  The fight is not against our brothers and sisters- against flesh and blood- but against the spiritual forces that would distract from The Point and extinguish compassion and love.

Clearly it is important to Paul that each person have the opportunity to live out the giftings that Christ has given as an inheritance AND it’s important that the unity within the body of Christ is maintained.  It’s one of those tricksy teeter-totter balancing act.  The ability to nudge the church towards a more true reflection of God’s vision of restoration while blocking the ugly arrows of resentment.

It’s something I’ve struggled with- but I also felt like God met me concerning this issue this week.  He reminded me that I DO need to live out the calling to which I have been called- even if it rocks to the boat- but the living out needs to be done with humility and gentleness.  It’s good to be reminded that God is both my champion and defender and also wants me to take each step with wisdom and care.