So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. Luke 11: 9-10Somehow the onset of cool weather stirs up pensive, what-have-the-years-wrought reflections. I’ve been thinking about how Dustin and I have been in Tucson for four years now. Four years ago I had no eyesight, neither of us had jobs, and both of felt rather unsettled about how it might look for us to live in Tucson, to find friends, to build a community.
So many things are different, four years later. I have two well-functioning eyeballs, we own a house, I started and finished graduate school, we both have had an assortment of fulfilling and stretching jobs- but really, these last four years have been defined by our community, our small group.
I’ve started and restarted this paragraph a multitude of times- what is it about the group? Is it that each person is a magical circus performer- that each person astonishes and astounds with his or her insights and warmth and abilities to add beauty to the world? Yup, that is certainly the case. But more, I think it may be that we are the circus at night. The dazzle and sequins are still there…but after hours the dim lights are turned to high and you can see the make-up is smudged and that I’ve tromped on the back of my gown enough times to have torn it and everyone has blisters. It’s the fact that when we step into the less-flattering light, the night circus steps in closer. Perched on musty couches, we pop the champagne and lay it all out- the unfolding of our days, the points of failure and the points of redemption, the burning questions of Who is God and How Can We Relate to Him.
As I reflect on these last four years, I am overwhelmed by the faithfulness of God. In truth many things have gone badly and I’ve had maybe my share of sorrow- I’ve stormed and glowered and shaken my fist with the best of them. But with all clarity I can see that God has been responsive to my cry and has opened the door to my knockings. The deepest and most vulnerable needs have been met and cared for- and most often my community was the means through with which God spoke to me and comforted me and filled my cup.
