Now there are varieties of gifts, but
the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and
there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all
in everyone. To each is given the
manifestation of the Spirit for the common good.
1 Corinthians 12: 4-7
I’ve had an epiphany this
week. I read an article in Christianity
Today that addresses the issue of Spiritual Leadership. I think many of us grew up with the belief
that men should be the spiritual leaders in a dating/marriage relationship. But when you probe and poke this rather
nebulous phrase spiritual leader, it
often boils down that we define spiritual leadership as initiating devotionals ,
bible studies, and prayer. Bam. The big enchilada- initiating
devotionals. As I read this article I
had a flush of horror, because it hit me square in the chest, pointing out this
weird unspoken definition of leadership that I myself subscribed to and which
was totally arbitrary. It was actually a
perennial issue between Dustin and me…I’ve spent many nights of my marriage
obsessing over the fact that I initiated our end-of-the-day prayer time
together and what does that mean about our relationship and what does that mean
about Dustin’s relationship with God and oh no, oh no, things must be falling
apart!
Which is total
baloney.
The problem with this
definition (and litmus test) of spiritual leadership is that it boxes my
husband in. It also boxes God in. By focusing so intently on this one quality,
I completely devalued the ten thousand other spiritual gifts and fruit of the
spirit spouting out of Dustin’s life…his gifts of compassion and
behind-the-scene service and gentleness and quickness to forgive. Gifts that God values and has deemed as
Really Important Characteristics. But
yet, because Dustin didn’t initiate doing a devotional together, I faced
existential crises.
I did a methodical, comprehensive
survey of the female species (aka: I asked all the women in my family during
dinner) about this topic. Each of them
confessed that they too had this same definition of spiritual leadership and
that it had, in truth, been something of an issue in THEIR relationships. I began to suspect that actually, as a
culture, we have defined this “initiating” quality as masculine and almost all
other fruits of the spirit as “feminine.”
Somehow we have grown into a Christian culture NOT on the lookout for manly
spiritual leaders boldly paving the way to more compassionate, gentle way of
life.
While talking over the
issue with Dustin, he mentioned that for a good many years he had been consumed
with the question “Am I man enough” -mostly due to the John Elderich-ing of
high school boys everywhere (his words).
John Elderich is an excellent example of this overwhelming Christian
cultural understanding of what it means to be a godly man…Being the hero, beating the bad guys, doing daring feats and rescuing
the damsel in distress (Elderich, 2001).
Aggressive, initiating, wild. Which is pretty darn specific, and
thankfully, not particularly biblical.
I would propose that the
Bible teaches that spiritual leadership means being filled with the Holy Spirit
and having one’s life abundantly overflow with fruits of the Spirit so that
every aspect of who one is reflects the glory of God. Which, for that matter, is the calling God
has for ALL our lives. The big question,
as my mom would always ask, Are YOU being
a leader for good?
I felt quite challenged
this week to reassess my understanding of leadership…challenged to carefully
and critically bring these little biases into the light. Because just now I am realizing how it has
hindered my relationship with my husband…but probably has extended outward into
how I relate to men. And how I relate to
women. And how I internally weigh
spiritual gifts as better or worse or more useful or less useful, which really,
hinders how I relate to God.
